Apparently mouth-breathing isn't chic
I'm going to have to say no to Vogue's latest suggestion for better beauty sleep.
I’m going to step up on my pulpit today as a reaction to this article I recently read on Vogue.com. Although Vogue has been a constant in my life since high school and I am a devotee in the truest sense (minus saving every issue a la Carrie Bradshaw), that doesn’t mean I always agree with everything that they say.
As if we didn’t have enough to worry about, according to the best-selling book Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art (and Vogue) apparently we need to train ourselves to be nose-breathers (as opposed to mouth-breathers) when we sleep. The book and magazine’s advice? Tape your mouth shut when you go to sleep. Seriously???
When I read this article, my jaw dropped (probably because my mouth wasn’t taped shut at the time). I can’t even sleep with socks on, and it’s hard enough to fall asleep and stay asleep as it is. Sure, let’s throw in the feeling of being suffocated or kidnapped and being held for ransom. That sounds like a recipe for sweet dreams
Truth be told, bedtime just keeps getting less and less sexy as I get older. Between a mouthguard for my top teeth, retainer for my bottom teeth, glasses after I take out my contacts and a supportive bra to keep my post-reconstruction breasts comfy, it’s so-not hot-hot-hot.
Yeah, those sexy silk Lunya pajamas I wanted so much have proven to be oh-so impractical with a 13-year-old son living under our roof. At this point, I have no other choice than to save them for an adults-only getaway, which isn’t even on the to-schedule list. (I guess I’ll save them for the summer when our son is at camp.)
According to the Vogue article, the fact that I wake up to drink water several times throughout the night could mean I’m a mouth-breather, although I don’t have any other symptoms such as snoring or sleep apnea. I’m willing to bet my thirst is correlated to that glass of wine (or two) the evening before—and I’m not willing to tape my mouth shut to stop it (or skip the wine).
I’m not denying that nose-breathing benefits like preparing the air for our lungs and sending “positive” messages to the nervous system are real—but I have to draw the line somewhere. One potential upside: Taking the tape off in the morning could serve as a mini lip wax.